Blogging Blues

babycrying

I turned on my computer today; excited to log in and see if anyone had viewed my most recent blog, or made a comment, or even liked something. I clicked on my ‘stats’ and was devastated to see I had ‘0 views today’ and ‘0 views yesterday’. Well. Okay. Fair enough too I guess. I know what I’m writing is not amazing, inspirational pieces of work, or overly creative or particularly well written, but surely its worth just one view? I mean, can’t someone just throw me a pity ‘like’ for self-worth value?! Apparently not. In my moment of despair I though ‘why even bother’? ‘I don’t think Ill do this blogging thing anymore, its just added and un-needed stress in my life’. But then I realised thinking like that is one of the reasons I am not the published writer I always dreamed of being, or the professional anything I ever dreamed of being. I am a quitter. That is what I do best. When things get to hard, or too overwhelming, I bow out; with excuses such as ‘I wasn’t enjoying it’, or ‘It just wasn’t for me’. As well as quitting I also excel in self-rationalisation. I believe that I could make myself believe just about anything. It’s a shame I cannot find a profession where denial is a essential criteria; because I have it in spades.

And, so, just as the saying goes, I’m getting back on the horse and taking this blogging thing for another ride. And do you know what? I don’t care if anyone reads it or not, or if I get any likes or comments, because my blogging isn’t about recognition or self-assurance, my blog is about me committing to something, making it my own no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s a place where I can express all my thoughts and opinions and lame poetry and then send it all off into the wide wide world of web, in a cathartic release. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

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